im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
