She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
