i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
