Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
