Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
