Say something about gay babies.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
