Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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