He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
