i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
