I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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