Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
