so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize