it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
