Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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