im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
