nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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