You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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