i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
