she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
