AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
