its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she peed on how many people?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
