is your mom at the bar?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel like abortions should bother me more
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
