he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize