My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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