If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
