he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
