Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it was like his penis was on wheels.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize