I wish my penis had an off switch
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
