Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
