She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize