I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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