She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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