i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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