You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
