so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
