Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
