she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
