I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
