I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
