I hope mine doesn't look like that
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
