Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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