Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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