remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
