Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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