Farmville is her only friend.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
FUCK WHALES
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
