Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
