I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
