You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it's like heaven, but drunker
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
