speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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