If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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