No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
