why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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