she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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