I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
