oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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