I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
