My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
