i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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