call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I didn't notice because vodka
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
