my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
