I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
