Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
