girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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