Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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