She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
