Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
