Dual....:-)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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