You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I came so hard my ears popped.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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