does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
