i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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