8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
