She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
