I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
